A Lost Soul in a City of Endless Night

-A Lost Soul in a City of Endless Night-


I sit in the rain
Blood dripping from my fingertips
I try to remember what happened
But I can't seem to think clearly
Where did it come from?
Why is there so much?
What was his name again?


Trying to remember
Feels like looking through layers of wet gauze
I can see images
Furtive shapes that I can't identify
The drugs don't help matters much
But at least I feel warm
A fuzzy kind of feeling
That lets me float
Through a hazy world
Where the only things that I can remember
Is how much I love to be here
And how much I really hate asparagus


He said he really liked me you know
And he proved how much
When he ripped open my blouse
And shoved his hand down my skirt
Saying all the while
How much I really wanted him
How he could tell by the look in my eyes
When I told him to go fuck himself


You never know
How really alive you can feel
Until you have a straight razor in your hand
And you make someone scream
That special scream
You know
The one where he realizes
That he's screwed with the wrong "stupid bitch"


Remembering really hurts though
So I try to block it out
And when I catch stray thoughts
Like memories of my childhood
I crush them
And lock them away
I've killed much of what I used to be
And I'm no longer sure
Of who I am
Because all of my past is gone
All that I have left
Is these dirty streets
In a city that I am sure
Doesn't even exist
How could it when daylight never comes?
And a strange dark haired boy
I know him from somewhere I'm sure


Sometimes when the night air is hot and sticky
And all of my windows are swollen shut by the heat
All I can do is lay on my mattress
Entangled in my sheets
And cry for days
While I slip in and out of sleep


After a while I will open my eyes
And he will be there
With his sad, dark eyes
Which tell a story of harsh survival
Bathing my face
With a cool washcloth
Telling me in his melodious voice
That I will be okay


I usually get up
Running for the bathroom
Vomiting last nights week old chinese food
My insides hurt like fire
And my thighs are red and sticky
I lay my head on the cold porcelain of the toilet
As he quietly cleans me up
I wonder if he notices that I'm naked
He never tries to hurt me
And I find that strange
Since everyone else I know
Goes out of their way to
He wraps me up in a clean sheet
And holds me, lending me his warmth
As I shake uncontrollably
The words of old lullabyes that he sings
Filters through my confusion to comfort me
The sheet smells sweet and fresh
Like fabric softener
He must have done my laundry again


Does he know me?
Does he know about the things I've done?
Or whom I used to be?
I think about these things as I fall asleep in his arms
I'm not afraid of what he'll do to me
While I sleep my life away
In a night that never ends
I'll just wake up in my bed
In a pair of clean pajamas that aren't mine
And he will be gone
Out to pray for me or something
And I will get up and get dressed

Have a few shots of bourbon
And head out onto the rain soaked streets
Amidst the faceless crowds again
Never sure of where I am going
Though I always come back


I can't seem to find a way out
Of this city of endless night
All the roads seem to double back on themselves
To bring me back
To these same rain soaked streets
I have even stolen a car once
Trying to find a way out
This city has taught me not to try anymore