A Lost Soul in a City of Endless Night

-A Lost Soul in a City of Endless Night-


I sit in the rain
Blood dripping from my fingertips
I try to remember what happened
But I can't seem to think clearly
Where did it come from?
Why is there so much?
What was his name again?


Trying to remember
Feels like looking through layers of wet gauze
I can see images
Furtive shapes that I can't identify
The drugs don't help matters much
But at least I feel warm
A fuzzy kind of feeling
That lets me float
Through a hazy world
Where the only things that I can remember
Is how much I love to be here
And how much I really hate asparagus


He said he really liked me you know
And he proved how much
When he ripped open my blouse
And shoved his hand down my skirt
Saying all the while
How much I really wanted him
How he could tell by the look in my eyes
When I told him to go fuck himself


You never know
How really alive you can feel
Until you have a straight razor in your hand
And you make someone scream
That special scream
You know
The one where he realizes
That he's screwed with the wrong "stupid bitch"


Remembering really hurts though
So I try to block it out
And when I catch stray thoughts
Like memories of my childhood
I crush them
And lock them away
I've killed much of what I used to be
And I'm no longer sure
Of who I am
Because all of my past is gone
All that I have left
Is these dirty streets
In a city that I am sure
Doesn't even exist
How could it when daylight never comes?
And a strange dark haired boy
I know him from somewhere I'm sure


Sometimes when the night air is hot and sticky
And all of my windows are swollen shut by the heat
All I can do is lay on my mattress
Entangled in my sheets
And cry for days
While I slip in and out of sleep


After a while I will open my eyes
And he will be there
With his sad, dark eyes
Which tell a story of harsh survival
Bathing my face
With a cool washcloth
Telling me in his melodious voice
That I will be okay


I usually get up
Running for the bathroom
Vomiting last nights week old chinese food
My insides hurt like fire
And my thighs are red and sticky
I lay my head on the cold porcelain of the toilet
As he quietly cleans me up
I wonder if he notices that I'm naked
He never tries to hurt me
And I find that strange
Since everyone else I know
Goes out of their way to
He wraps me up in a clean sheet
And holds me, lending me his warmth
As I shake uncontrollably
The words of old lullabyes that he sings
Filters through my confusion to comfort me
The sheet smells sweet and fresh
Like fabric softener
He must have done my laundry again


Does he know me?
Does he know about the things I've done?
Or whom I used to be?
I think about these things as I fall asleep in his arms
I'm not afraid of what he'll do to me
While I sleep my life away
In a night that never ends
I'll just wake up in my bed
In a pair of clean pajamas that aren't mine
And he will be gone
Out to pray for me or something
And I will get up and get dressed

Have a few shots of bourbon
And head out onto the rain soaked streets
Amidst the faceless crowds again
Never sure of where I am going
Though I always come back


I can't seem to find a way out
Of this city of endless night
All the roads seem to double back on themselves
To bring me back
To these same rain soaked streets
I have even stolen a car once
Trying to find a way out
This city has taught me not to try anymore






An Exiles Remembrance

-An Exiles Remembrance-

A silent wind blows

One winters day

The icicles show the way

To my land of dreams

Where a Nightingale sings

in sway of happy things

The sun touches my face

In my secret, sacred place

Away from the voices and doubts

And memories of the seaside

I come here to hide

And to be away 

From the sound of the winters tide

Calling me from my island home

Back to a troubled Rome

The would be savior

Of a nation in ruinous decay

Doubtful to see another day

And this soldier is old and tired

And worn away

As the face of old Vesuvius

Which in tempestuous fury

Covered insolent Pompeii

My sword lies buried in the sand

Enough blood of my brothers

Shed by this now palsied hand

And so Rome shall fall

As should they all

In remembrance of those forgotten 

Sometimes

-Sometimes-

Now, coming home

To a silent, dark house

With only the ghosts of the past

Left to greet me

You come to me sometimes

In the shadows

At the corner of my eye

A silent, still figure

Always looking past me

That I can never grasp

Though I reach for you

With all of my soul

Sometimes

This house is so quiet

As I lie in my cold bed

Gazing at the vacant space beside me

That once held my life

Sometimes

When I am in half sleep

I can hear faint traces

of your musical laughter

Which brings me awake

Startled

With fresh tears in my eyes

That sometimes seem endless in supply

I go through your things sometimes

Just to see

If everything is still there

I've become so afraid

Of losing something

And then losing another part of you

Each item a fountain of memories

Unto themselves

Sometimes

Candles brighten our room

The soft firelight

Casting their feeble glow

On my still form

As I sit in an uncomfortable chair

And read my old poetry

That at first

You were reluctant to receive

Accepting them mainly

Out of kindness

I still cannot find

Among the crude words

That seem so silly now

What it is that I wrote

That finally won your heart

Sometimes

I lie awake and listen

To your wind chimes

As a light wind caresses them

Outside our window

Cursing myself

That I survived and you did not

Sometimes I wonder

If I really survived at all

A Message on the Mist

-A Message On The Mist-

And how shall I sing to thee

Of the passion that I feel

The mountains, and years of ten

Separate not what I feel

From the one I see now

Only in my deepest dreams

For how can the raging seas

Or the anger of the rolling skies above

Ever diminish the rock

Of my faith when it is anchored

By my last memory of you

Standing by the lake

Gazing at the stars and moon

I declare by all that is Holy

These memories

Would feed me for a thousand years

Nay a thousand times ten

Nay still, a thousand times a thousand

Would they sustain me

Until our eyes meet again

And our hearts made whole

Once more