Waking up to a Dream Day

     I watch the glowing sunset

Mixing vibrant hues of purples

    Pinks, and rosy reds

Over the ancestral lands of my new home

    In the ancient land of Ireland

    Hundreds of shades of green

greet my wa

king eyes

    As I run barefoot and naked

Down the steeply rolling hills

    To my secret place

Hidden in the forest behind

    My great great grand parents cottage

    Wild and free I run

Using the same energy

    That had brought me back

To this haunted place

    Filled with the ghosts of memories

of past, ancient times

    The soft, plush grass, emerald green

Mixed with deep, blue heather

    Cushions my violent footfalls

My exuberant yells

    Sets a flock of sheep scattering

And the old shepherd cursing

    The prehistoric pond

Which sits in the middle

    Of my secluded forest glen

Shines in the bright, early moonlight

    The lilies on the crystal like surface

Get sucked under

    As I plunge head long

Into the cool, early autumn water

    I dive, lungs craving life giving air

To touch the soft, velvet silt of the bottom

    Feeling the life in the earth

Makes me feel 

    The different life emerging inside of me

    I push off the murky bottom

Breaking the placid surface

    Gasping for life giving oxygen

Feeling the coolness of the night air on my face

    I look up and see the new stars

Winking to life

    As the last of the days light

Gives way to the sheltering night

    I walk shivering towards home

With only the stars

    And a lonely half moon

To light the path 

    That I had walked so many times in my dreams

I hear my ancestor's Gaelic voices

    Telling me that I am home at last

Simple Duality

 

- Simple Duality -

I see me

As she sees me

Through my eyes

Her feelings of superiority clash

With my timid desires

I watch her in the mirror

Same violet eyes and dark lashes

Same crooked smile

And those sensual lips

As a light summer wind

Caresses our raven hair

I see her slip into

The black silk of our dress

That I almost never wear

Lithely seducing her way

From my dreams

Becoming my life

My darker better half

The music on the radio

Once pounding and driving

Has gone to a more ambient flavor

Combining with

The strong aroma of jasmine

Lulls the senses

And dulls awareness

A dreamy mood

And like the ghost 

Of my twin sister long dead

She steps out of the mirror

A pale fragment of a girl

Who has my eyes

She puts her arms around my waist

Her black lipstick

Smudges on my neck

As she dissolves into me

My eyes close heavy and tired

As I fall backwards

Into an oblivious spiral

Only to be caught

By her delicate hands

Which guide me to her prison

In my eyes

She cradles me

Comforts me in her arms

The light scent of our perfume

Delicate on the air

Her lips brush over my closed eyes

As if to let me know

That she will not be gone for long

I watch her languidly

Through the window of our eyes

Speaking to and loving our friends

Using them as I never could

They seem to know her so much better

Than they ever knew me

I smell the same fetid air

Through our nose

From the swamp not far away

And I hear the same monotone music

As we go from party to party

I can taste the many drinks

From Chartreuse to bitter Absinthe

Passed rom glasses and lips and tongues

Our desire and lust burning

As bright as those green liquors

Made famous at many underground spots

In the diseased heart of our unknown city

I watch her through our eyes

And I think

As she removes our dress

In one of the many dark corners

Of the many vacant buildings

Where the lost children of the night

Come to hide from

And howl at the real world

And I begin to feel the electric shocks

Of hands and lips

On our fevered body

which makes our heart race and skip beats

That I was always meant to be here on the inside

And her on the outside

Pandora's Throne

 

- Pandora's Throne -

He stands there watching

Just watching

Wondering why the night

Has become so endless

And so utterly

Cold and lonely

He walks on the barren earth

Staring at the empty sky

They have now stolen

The stars and the moon from me

He thinks in silence

He waits for them

To finally come and take him

To the place where

They have imprisoned

His hopes and dreams

Behind stone gray walls

He wonders what it will feel like

When he is finally allowed

To drift away

To a place where he can hide

The remnants of his soul

And his overwhelming guilt

He wonders when

It all started to slip away

When everything began to turn sour

To wither and die

But the memories fail him

And he is left staring

At Pandora's Throne

At the high seat

Of the world's misfortune

Blood and Rain

 

- Blood and Rain -

She has this fear

Uncontrollable

Uncontainable

She drives in the rain

Top down

Music loud

So very loud

She needs the noise

The distraction

The escape from the fear

A fear which creeps

And worms its way

Under her skin

She can feel it crawling

Searching for something

The car swerves

Onto the sidewalk

As she claws at her arm

Ragged nails tearing

Leaving bloody trails

She screams

Her hatred into the storm

The hatred of a victim

She can still smell him

Strong on the midnight rain

Her salty tears intermingle

With the blood and the rain

She can feel him watching her

She can see his eyes

Soulless eyes, uncaring eyes

Watching her and waiting

The car grinds to a halt

A shower of sparks

Like lost stars

Falling and dying

To the earth

The heavenly graveyard

She wakes later

Sluggishly

Like trying to awaken

From an acid dream

She awakens to their laughter

Which hurts even more

Than the atrocity

Which he has committed

The soul breaking laughter

That caused a ride through

Blood and rain

Love Never Lasting

- Love Never Lasting -

        Two hearts broken

    A token to love never lasting

        When feeling

    And needing is not enough

        To stop the bleeding

    And stinging tears

        Words on lips unspoken

    A token to love never lasting

        Rings and things

    More valuable than gold

        And just as old

    Like memories of paths crossed

        Emotions tossed

    Smiles and laughs shared

        When compared to loss

    Moments invaluable

        The unspoken parable

    To love never lasting

A Lost Soul in a City of Endless Night

-A Lost Soul in a City of Endless Night-


I sit in the rain
Blood dripping from my fingertips
I try to remember what happened
But I can't seem to think clearly
Where did it come from?
Why is there so much?
What was his name again?


Trying to remember
Feels like looking through layers of wet gauze
I can see images
Furtive shapes that I can't identify
The drugs don't help matters much
But at least I feel warm
A fuzzy kind of feeling
That lets me float
Through a hazy world
Where the only things that I can remember
Is how much I love to be here
And how much I really hate asparagus


He said he really liked me you know
And he proved how much
When he ripped open my blouse
And shoved his hand down my skirt
Saying all the while
How much I really wanted him
How he could tell by the look in my eyes
When I told him to go fuck himself


You never know
How really alive you can feel
Until you have a straight razor in your hand
And you make someone scream
That special scream
You know
The one where he realizes
That he's screwed with the wrong "stupid bitch"


Remembering really hurts though
So I try to block it out
And when I catch stray thoughts
Like memories of my childhood
I crush them
And lock them away
I've killed much of what I used to be
And I'm no longer sure
Of who I am
Because all of my past is gone
All that I have left
Is these dirty streets
In a city that I am sure
Doesn't even exist
How could it when daylight never comes?
And a strange dark haired boy
I know him from somewhere I'm sure


Sometimes when the night air is hot and sticky
And all of my windows are swollen shut by the heat
All I can do is lay on my mattress
Entangled in my sheets
And cry for days
While I slip in and out of sleep


After a while I will open my eyes
And he will be there
With his sad, dark eyes
Which tell a story of harsh survival
Bathing my face
With a cool washcloth
Telling me in his melodious voice
That I will be okay


I usually get up
Running for the bathroom
Vomiting last nights week old chinese food
My insides hurt like fire
And my thighs are red and sticky
I lay my head on the cold porcelain of the toilet
As he quietly cleans me up
I wonder if he notices that I'm naked
He never tries to hurt me
And I find that strange
Since everyone else I know
Goes out of their way to
He wraps me up in a clean sheet
And holds me, lending me his warmth
As I shake uncontrollably
The words of old lullabyes that he sings
Filters through my confusion to comfort me
The sheet smells sweet and fresh
Like fabric softener
He must have done my laundry again


Does he know me?
Does he know about the things I've done?
Or whom I used to be?
I think about these things as I fall asleep in his arms
I'm not afraid of what he'll do to me
While I sleep my life away
In a night that never ends
I'll just wake up in my bed
In a pair of clean pajamas that aren't mine
And he will be gone
Out to pray for me or something
And I will get up and get dressed

Have a few shots of bourbon
And head out onto the rain soaked streets
Amidst the faceless crowds again
Never sure of where I am going
Though I always come back


I can't seem to find a way out
Of this city of endless night
All the roads seem to double back on themselves
To bring me back
To these same rain soaked streets
I have even stolen a car once
Trying to find a way out
This city has taught me not to try anymore






An Exiles Remembrance

-An Exiles Remembrance-

A silent wind blows

One winters day

The icicles show the way

To my land of dreams

Where a Nightingale sings

in sway of happy things

The sun touches my face

In my secret, sacred place

Away from the voices and doubts

And memories of the seaside

I come here to hide

And to be away 

From the sound of the winters tide

Calling me from my island home

Back to a troubled Rome

The would be savior

Of a nation in ruinous decay

Doubtful to see another day

And this soldier is old and tired

And worn away

As the face of old Vesuvius

Which in tempestuous fury

Covered insolent Pompeii

My sword lies buried in the sand

Enough blood of my brothers

Shed by this now palsied hand

And so Rome shall fall

As should they all

In remembrance of those forgotten